Telephone Talk
by Tyranno's girl
Summary: The second installment of the 'France Wants to be a Pop-star' series. England really needs to invest in a better caller-ID for his phone...


**A/N: Hey! It's the second part of the 'France wants to be a Pop-star' series. This one is supposed to take place right after the 'Lacy Francis and Lord Arthur fic, so if you read that first, this part might make more sense (key word 'might' because this fic is still pretty random) **

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything by Himaruya Hidekazu or The Key of Awesome. **

* * *

A few weeks after that horribly embarrassing video-shoot with France, England was chilling out in the recording studio in his basement (it also had a small room for making music videos); a nice glass of beer on his desk and his guitar (decaled with the British flag) in his lap. England was calmly strumming his baby, not really focusing on anything, when his cell-phone rang. He sighed; he had accidentally left it in the music video room.

England walked in, the scenery changing from color to black and white. He groaned, "That's the last time I help out Alfred with a music video..." before picking up the phone and looking at the caller ID. 'Frog'. "Francis..." Arthur flipped the phone on and listened. Sure enough, his lover's voice poured into his ear; like sweet, white chocolate.

"So, what do you say A.K?" England gritted back,

"When the hell are you going to tell me what this Telephone video idea of yours is about, anyway?!" France chuckled,

"Well..."

* * *

On France's end he was basically stripping in a cage in the middle of the day as he began singing, _"First of all, _

_This song is not as good as Bad Romance..."_ He flipped and added, _"Hell, it's not even close to Poker Face or Just Dance..."_

The rose-wielding nation ripped off his shirt and stated, _"So I will distract them by getting half-naked!"_ Then he smirked, placing the rose in his mouth, _"And throw everything at them but the kitchen sink-sink!"_

"What?!" Arthur's voice yelled from the phone. Francis, all the while opening the cage and bringing in his assistant, sighed,

"Pay attention, mon amour..." Canada, dressed in a Mounties' uniform, groaned,

"Papa, why am I doing this?" France, clad in nothing but his boxers (with the French flag on them), tut-tutted,

"Matthieu, mon coeur! You are helping to fulfill Papa's century-old dream of becoming a pop-star!" Matthew only sighed and walked further into the cage before France continued singing,

_"The kitchen sink-sink!"_, he talked into his cell-phone, _"What do you think-think?"_ Matthew, unfortunately, had the duty of taking off his father's boxers. When he was done, Francis added, _"I will prove that I so have a penis!"_ He pelvic thrusted twice, _"Wink wink!"_

"Papa~!!" Canada groaned in disgust, crawling away to wretch in a corner of the cage. France huffed before he dialed Spain and Prussia.

* * *

England noted that the line had gone dead and silently thanked his good fortune because someone had come in to use his music room. "If you could just stand over here and we can..." The phone rang. Arthur answered, "What is it Francis?!" France began again,

_"First I'll get stripped naked by some burly prison guards!"_ At that moment, Spain was helping France with his shoes and socks while Prussia was wrapping him up in shiny, yellow hazard tape. Canada made the mistake of looking behind him and was reduced to wretching at the sight of his lover's (Prussia) hands on his father's body.

They all walked out of the cage (Matthew having to be dragged) before Francis sat next to Nigeria, they had bribed the woman into coming, who was sitting in their little 'prison-stage'.

"You promise that I will be getting that $1000 dollars for doing this, now?" France chuckled nervously, popping a few mints into his mouth,

"Oui, oui... Just sit there and look sexy in that military uniform of yours!" The blonde picked up his phone and asked, "Arthur, are you still there?"

"Yes, but--"

"Good, now..." Francis chuckled, tilting Chineme's head up by her chin and looking deep into her dark brown eyes before singing, _"Then make out with a she-male in the prison yard-yard!"_

"WHAT?!?!" Nigeria fumed before soundly punching the male in the face, leaving a sound black eye. The African nation huffed before digging into France's pocket and pulling out his wallet. She pulled out the equivalent of the money she had asked for and left.

"Papa!! Are you okay?!" Matthew huffed as they ran over to the wounded Frenchman. France rose a shaky hand towards his son's face and whispered,

"Mon coeur, get me my phone..."

* * *

Arthur snickered when he heard Nigeria's reaction. But when Francis called out to him, "Mon amour..?" England groaned,

_"This video sounds goofy, _

_You should just do it alone!"_ At the moment, he was helping the super-model Naomi Campbell with a photo-shoot. One of her cameramen was texting while he was supposed to be working, however, and he huffed,

_"Besides, I'm sick of all these fricken' songs about phones!"_ He grabbed Naomi's phone and flung it right into the poor cameraman's face **(1)**.

"Oh, Arthur~?" Francis's voice cooed from the phone.

"What?!"

* * *

Suddenly, England found himself in a colorful car with France in the passenger seat. "What the hell?!" He yelped, grabbing onto the steering wheel before they rushed out of control. France smiled,

_"You bail me out of jail, _

_Then we'll pause for some bad dialogue!!"_

Then they were in a diner, mixing a bunch of random chemicals into a bunch of food. "What is the point of _this_?" Arthur huffed as he stirred. A few moments later, France was serving (and effectively killing) everyone in the facility. He then laughed,

_"We'll poison everyone,"_ He picked up a small white dog that had wandered in,

_"Including this cute dog!!"_ Francis tossed the dog away, the poor creature yelping. Out of nowhere, Finland ran after it, crying,

"Hanatamago!!" Even England frowned,

"Isn't that a bit much?" But France ignored him and grabbed him, taking them both to the center of the diner and they began dancing around (Arthur barely just noticed their vibrant change in clothing).

_"Then we start to dance, _

_And there's dead people everywhere!"_

* * *

_"As usual,"_ Francis sang from a barber's-chair in Poland's house,

_"Poland's done something sexy to my hair!"_ The rose-wielding nation hummed as he looked at his refection in a hand-held mirror. "Hm, that looks trés bon!"

"Like, what did you expect?" Feliks scoffed.

* * *

In the kitchen of the diner, England and France were showing off various kitchen appliances and dishware. France was singing, as he showed off a nice blender, _"P-p-p-p-p-p-p- product placement!"_

Then the two of them were trying to move one of the bodies from the main room of the diner and into a hiding place. After a bit of struggling, France scoffed at his lover, _"Hide the d-d-dead bodies in the b-b- basement!"_

* * *

After they had finished that bit of nasty business, France and England were back to dancing in the main room of the diner, now with some nice background dancers.

Francis added, pointing to everything he called off, _"Blood and_

_Guts and _

_Boobs and _

_Butts..."_

He jumped in front of Arthur and cheered, _"And I just want to make your head explode!!"_

All of a sudden, France was at a table with an old communication device. He tapped the lever and stated, _"Beep-beep-beep! Beep-beep! Beep-beep-beep-beep!"_ The blonde held up a piece of paper with all sorts of dashes and dots on it, and showed it to England, _"That was 'The French Republic' in Morse Code!"_

* * *

England, not soon enough, found himself back in his music room. He chuckled, "France?"

"Oui, Mon amour?" Then England began yelling,

_"If you think I'm doing this, _

_Then you're a crazy bastard!! _

_You must have blown a gasket!!"_ He stopped for a moment before he asked,

_"Francis, are you tripping on acid?!"_ He thought for a moment, then,

_"As a child were you abused by _

_Some big crazy bastard?!"_ The gentlemanly nation picked up a copy of the novelized 'The Silence of the Lambs' and turned to a certain page before asking, _"And did he ever make you place the lotion in the basket?!"_

Arthur tried to calm down before he picked up his guitar and strummed a few notes before stating, _"I just want to do a simple shoot with singing..."_ He sighed,

_"You used to be a devo, _

_Now you're just like Rammstein..."_

Out of nowhere, France appeared in the music video room, dressed in only hazard-tape and looking quite perturbed. He growled, _"You're going to do my video _

_And do it __**my**__ way!!"_ He smirked,

_"I'd hate for something bad to happen_

_To your family!!"_ England gulped, stepping back,

_"My family-eh?!"_ France simply followed his retreat, chuckling,

_"That's right, Arthur K.!"_ He added, pulling out a framed picture of America, _"The Eiffel Tower might accidently fall on Alfie!!"_ Francis dropped the picture, the sound of shattering glass filled the room. France silently smirked as England groaned.

* * *

Back in the crazy-colored car, Arthur sobbed, while trying to steer the psychotic machine, _"Somebody help me, _

_'Cause I don't want to sing anymore!!"_

As they were dancing in the diner, England added with tears, _"He's got a gun to my head on the dance floor!!"_ France clicked the magnum right near the sobbing gentleman's head.

Out of nowhere, France stood beside a bathtub filled with nuns and sang, _"Rub-a-dub-dub, three nuns in a tub!! _

_And they're doing it with a garden gnome!!"_ England groaned at the sight of the gnome appearing, singing,

_"Francis, don't hurt me, but I need to ask, _

_What does it have to do with a telephone?!?!"_

Now Francis was driving the psycho-car erratically through a desert, despite Arthur's cries. When he saw that the Frenchman wasn't stopping, he yelled, "You crazy Frog!!!", then he saw that they were heading right for a cliff. Arthur's screams could be heard for miles as the car went over the cliff.

* * *

"Arthur? Arthur~?" France's voice called through the phone. England shook his head from his nightmare and answered,

"Yes?"

"So, what did you think of my trés belle idea?" England frowned and stayed quiet.

"Mon amour~?" Arthur simply closed his cell-phone and turned it off before heading for bed, deciding to deal with it in the morning.

* * *

**A/N: **

**( 1 ) The whole Naomi Campbell thing is a joke on how the British super-model, Naomi Campbell, got in trouble for throwing her cell-phone at her assisstant. **

**I hope that people liked this part, please review. **

**-Tyranno's girl.**


End file.
